


Day Thoughts

by GillO



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Jossverse
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-09
Updated: 2017-11-09
Packaged: 2019-01-31 05:43:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12675582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GillO/pseuds/GillO
Summary: Spike is definitely not being broody.





	Day Thoughts

At night, he is alive. Well, as much as he can be. There is freedom to move, freedom to act, freedom to be.

During the day, though, trapped, all he can do is endure. That’s when the dreams come, that give him pause. The respect his so long life has so signally been lacking in. That he wants now more than ever, before or since his death. Not love, note – he gave up on that idea long ago. His love is a part of him, unquestioned and solid as the underlying rocks and stones. It won’t change because she smiles at him or frowns, or brandishes – or even uses – her stake.

 

No. Love is a dead end. For him, that is. But respect – her respect; there have been times he’s almost felt he’s had it, been close at least. An easy camaraderie, a sense that she believes he’ll always be at her back. But every time. Every sodding time. He’s fouled it up.. He’s done something so monumentally stupid only someone with a century’s training could have managed it, or he’s risked showing something that has made her run, or turn and reject him

 

So all that’s left is to endure. Not for him the melodramatic act of walking into the morning sunshine. Just the waiting and watching, the small helpful actions, the wry smile, the comic accent and exotic language. Not Prince Hamlet – never meant to be. Just the clown, crying inside. An unliving cliché. Back full circle, you might say - bloody awful.

**Author's Note:**

> One of the earliest fics I posted on LJ, over 11 years ago. Deliberate references to "Hamlet", "The Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock" and "Wuthering Heights".


End file.
